- When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.
Patrick's Day parade---at any time of the year.
- All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach up to armpit level on a
woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off---even while scuba diving.
- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one
will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building without difficulty.
- You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a bill
at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than
20 men firing at one.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one
by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will
still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
- Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's birthday.
- Many musical instruments, especially wind instruments and pianos, can be
played without moving the fingers.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
- Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw
the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will
know all the steps.