1. When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
  2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade---at any time of the year.
  3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
  4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
  5. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off---even while scuba diving.
  6. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
  7. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a bill at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  10. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
  11. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
  12. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
  13. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
  14. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
  15. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
  16. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
  17. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  18. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  19. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's birthday.
  20. Many musical instruments, especially wind instruments and pianos, can be played without moving the fingers.
  21. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
  22. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
  23. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
  24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.